Tag Archives: phobias

My haunt

*** Embarrassingly, I started writing this post in September, but never finished it because I was too lazy to get a funny photo of a sign off my old phone. . . which is now wiped and in the possession of my brother, who lives two states away.  So.  Yeah.  Enjoy!  And take this as a lesson: procrastination kills. . . photos. ***

A few weeks ago I was suffering from a little bit of cabin fever.  Which is weird, because between several trips back to California and my week in North Carolina, I have only been home for two weeks at a time since moving at the beginning of June.  But because I’m a very special type of neurotic, I managed to have a nervous breakdown about my inertia.  I could brush this aside, but actually I think the constant interruptions to my nesting is adding to the problem.  I’ve lived here for three months and I still don’t really feel like I live here.  Wah wah wah, I get to travel to awesome places and hang out with cool people, oh poor me, my life sucks.  I know, okay?  Totally doesn’t help.

M Fox’s solution?  Get the hell out of the house.  “You can do nothing, just do nothing somewhere else.”  I picked a good one, ladies.

So I found myself a coffee shop.  It’s basically a house with a back patio where I like to sit and write, or do some freelance work.  Additionally, I can make obnoxious phone calls without guilt.  AND it’s down the block from a comic shop — made this very easy to order Avatar comics.  And I’m not talking about Dances with Wolves in Blue. ::adjusts glasses and snorts::

Unfortunately being outside also means I have to fight off bees and spiders.  For some reason, this has not deterred me.  It’s a small miracle, really.  It’s the reason why I know this coffee shop is a good one, that I’m willing to put up with devil insects.  Bees are my mortal enemy, in case you didn’t know.  No, my childhood crush didn’t die of a bee attack, no I’m not allergic, no I didn’t watch as a swarm of bees took my father as its slave.  Honestly, I blame it on Maya the Bee, which was a totally bizarre German (?) cartoon series that somehow Nickelodeon used to play.  Maya lived in constant fear of the hornets.  And they were fricken scary-looking and made angry creepy buzzing sounds.   Somehow I ignored that the main protagonist that I loved was a bee.  They all became hornets.  I’ve had some smart-ass science people try and tell me that bees and yellow jackets and wasps and hornets are some how not related, that carpenter bees (also called the Luftwaffe) and bumble bees are so cute and harmless and can’t REALLY sting.  Whatever. They’re all evil kamakaze bastards.  Yeah yeah, yellow jackets don’t sting, they bite, I’ve heard it all before.

Maya the Bee — I couldn’t find an image
of the horrifying hornets.
Probably for the best.

Much in the same way that Swift from David the Gnome cemented my love for foxes (followed up with Disney’s Robin Hood, thank god I never became a furry), Maya the Bee is probably the genesis for my unreasonable terror of those striped little death creatures.  (I should probably write a thesis on how Nickelodeon, Disney, and The Simpsons pretty much made me the person I am today.  Another day.)

Actually, my favorite rebuttal (from multiple sources, no joke) to my admittedly irrational fear of bee-related insects is “Don’t be afraid, they can sense your fear and it makes them angry!”  Oh yeah, that really helps.  Don’t fear the thing you fear because that REALLY pisses it off.  That’s some serious calming shit, right there.

Anyway, back to my coffee shop, my haunt.  Aside from the evil insects, the only other issue with me hanging out at a coffee shop is that I don’t actually like coffee.  I like the smell of it, I like the idea of it.  I even admire the ritual of it.  But the taste is meh and the bigger problem is that my bowels are seriously not on board.  I’ll stop there.

Despite these two possible setbacks, I actually have really enjoyed going to the shop, getting some tea and writing a little bit.  The guy who works there and possibly owns the joint looks like a mix between Jay and Silent Bob.  (Joint, get it???)  He’s very patient with me as I continuously forget the password for the internet and my stupid computer for some reason doesn’t remember it.  I don’t know that I’ve gotten a LOT of writing done, but it puts me in the zone, so I guess baby steps.
Along those lines, I’m considering making a monthly deadline to post some fiction up here.  So, you know, beware as I claw my way back to creativity.

Also, for fun:

David the Gnome and Swift, his most excellent fox