A Reset

My dad once told me a story. He was a young actor in New York and had a lot of young actor friends.  One such friend was turning down auditions for commercial work because he said he was afraid that it would “hurt his career.”  My dad, an eloquent man, responded with, “What career?”

I think I need to revisit this story more often.

Since moving to Seattle, I have been pursuing theatre.  I don’t even know in what capacity yet. Should I be able to climb up to the status of it being a “career,” then bully for me, if not then I’m happy to do theatre as a passionate hobby.  To tell the truth, I don’t know how honest that is, but that is my story and I’m sticking to it.

I have been on quite a few auditions lately and have done very well at most of them — this, in and of itself, is a triumph.  I am really proud of the work I have done in the past year, even if it hasn’t necessarily bore me much fruit.  I wanted to be in four productions this year and am halfway through my goal.  After being passed over the last several times I’ve auditioned (and gotten to callbacks, even!), I admit that I’m starting to get all moody about it.

And it’s only fricken July!  The year is barely half over!  I needed a reset.  Fortunately I have a brilliant vocal coach and supportive friends and husband and I’ve been able to get my head straight.  But it had been eating at me for awhile.  Worrying about my “failed” career.  What career?  Ha!

To clarify: I don’t mean that in a negative, derogatory way, but in a FREEING way.  I have nothing, therefore, I have nothing to lose.  This is a good thing.  This concept should be paradoxically relaxing and energizing.  I have everything to win.

Speaking of jobs, I have four more days working at Cheezburger and even though I am so glad that I took this job and have really enjoyed it, I am really going to be happy when it’s over.

I am looking forward to having a quiet, boring day.  I am looking forward to having a quiet week.  I am looking forward to having my thoughts and my time to myself.

I am currently working on an idea for a musical.  This is a seriously lofty idea that may in fact turn out to be a disaster.

I’m not going to delete that last sentence, but I think that that is extremely telling of my state of mind about my art right now.

Disaster?!

How could it be a disaster? ;)  Why do I have to make every artistic endeavor a matter of complete triumph or failure?  Can’t it just be?

Also, I know that I have been derelict in my monthly-writing promise.  I’ve done some work on my musical, which I am not ready to share publicly, but I would still like to work on my Mia stuff.  I really like her and I like my idea so I will keep pecking away at that.  There.  I’ve made a public promise to myself and now it’s time to keep it.

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2 thoughts on “A Reset

  1. Emily July 27, 2013 at 11:49 pm Reply

    Chin up, friend! You’re doing really really well. You’re fantastically talented. I think I’ve finally come around to this auditioning zen, and I’d love to pass it on, but I’m afraid it may have to be one of those things that’s got to be experienced over time. Regardless, I’m going to try anyway:

    Getting turned down after an audition _is_ _not_ _personal_. ESPECIALLY when you got a callback. That proves and verifies your talent. As much as I’d love to knock the audience’s socks off with my novel performance full of ideas and shatter people’s stereotypes that THAT sort of character doesn’t have to look THAT way, it’s possible that the person they cast is shattering the director’s stereotypes to prove a point in a _different_ way (or they’re casting to the obvious stereotype in which case, that’s lame).

    But at any rate, in a perfect world, there’d always be some new part available next that we’d be perfect for. But in reality, despite how much theatre goes on in our town, there simply aren’t enough productions to fulfill that ideal. And that sucks.

    SO, what do we do instead? We make ourselves available and audition frequently so we can be there whenever those right parts comes up. In the meanwhile, we feed our creative souls by creating our own content. Yep. We can’t always wait around for someone to happen to come around and produce a project that happens to share our creative vision.

    So we work on developing our creative vision. And it’s going to be really hard. Most things worth doing are. But it will be great to get our ideas out there and change the dialogue of the world, one piece at a time. In case that wasn’t clear enough, I’m totally inspired to work on creating my own performance content — webseries, musical, whatever. I’m game for collaboration if you are. :-)

    • oneclassydame July 29, 2013 at 10:43 am Reply

      Thanks, Em :) I think that I’m in a better state of mind about it now. I actually just auditioned for a musical workshop yesterday. I think that when you get caught up in your head about what you want the Ultimate Goal to be, you miss out on the, comparatively, minor victories that make up most of the journey and are so so important and fun!

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