Monthly Archives: June 2013

Worst Internet Radio Commercials

I listen to a lot of internet radio (Spotify and Pandora) at my job.  Here is a list of internet radio ads that I hear multiple times a day and make me want to throw something.  I’d love to keep adding to this list, except for some reason they’ve determined that a person who listens to musicals, bluegrass, 50’s music, Green Day, and Ella Fitzgerald only really needs to hear the following advertisements.  Over and over and over.

– The ad about how UTIs are really painful.  If it were a short ad it would be okay, but the anti-UTI lobby ponied up for 30 second ad space.  (also, anti ootee, hehe)

– I don’t even know what this ad is about because I can tune most of it out up until the girl sees a kitten and screeches “GOOCHI GOOCHI COO!!!”

– The ad that has some pretty decent music and I start bobbing my head and get all excited that I might have discovered a new band/song only to find out that it was a jingle.  And then I feel like a tool.

And the fricken WORST ad where I actually rip the headphones out of my head:

– The horrible ad about getting a flu shot because you could infect your baby, which is accompanied by the constant sound of an infant violently coughing that gets louder and louder as the ad goes on.  I don’t even have a baby and I become panicked.

For all you (talented) out-of-work writers out there, do everyone a favor.  Stuff your dreams of glory deep deep inside.  Please Join an ad agency and save us.

I Can Haz Job

After a successful but unprofitable call back (did very well, but didn’t book it), I accepted a temporary position curating content at a very popular cat meme website.  I basically spend all day doing what most people at work are trying not to get caught doing.  And, my friends, it is awesome. This might be why I haven’t posted in awhile — it turns out when you spend all day trolling the internet, you don’t really want to be online anymore.

For the most part, I’m really enjoying myself.  I get a weird OCD pleasure from having to fill up my quota of funny posts for each of the pages I preside over.  I made a little spreadsheet and I x off each time slot and then highlight the row when I’m done and oh, um, also, I’m a total nerd and can’t believe that I’m so proud of this.  What’s weird is that I’m not even a very organized person.  I wish I was.  I also associate organization with aesthetic taste and I don’t have that either.  I wish I were one of those people whose houses look like it happened on purpose, but I just shove furniture around and throw shit up on the wall and hope it doesn’t fall.

Anyway, despite the fact that I don’t think I’m naturally organized, I get serious satisfaction out of filling in bubbles and crossing off things when I complete tasks.

I have pretty much no other tasks other than to fill my daily quota, which is great, because whenever I’m done, I can go home.  But before I leave, there is one little mud field I have to drag myself across.

Comment moderation.  Oh God, comment moderation.  I try not to read comments in general because I know there lurks trolls, but now I have to look at them and read them carefully.  Here are few things that I probably already knew, but really had hammered home after three weeks of doing this:

1) There are a lot of disgusting, racist, sexist, stupid, ignorant, and cruel people commenting on the internet.

2) People are really impatient about letting the world see what disgusting, racist, sexist, stupid, ignorant, and cruel things they have to say.

But guys.

GUYS.

When you post something with cursing or anything sexual, it gets sent to a human being for moderation.  This takes what we call TIME.  Yes, there are bots that can censor the obvious.  But when you get all profane up in here or you say “I would love to see Fluttershy in a hentai movie” or you start posting links to things without saying where those link end up (::shudder::), sometimes it gets sent to a special little purgatory where some poor sap paid hourly has to sift through them all and either censor your potty mouth so advertisers will keep throwing money at us or make sure you’re not a Nigerian prince.  So here are your choices.  Either don’t say profane things or just wait until it gets through the system.  You know what you should NOT do?

POST IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T SEE IT IMMEDIATELY POP UP.

Continue reading