So it turns out that the most stressful time of my life is the time when I am not doing anything. This may come as a shock to no one else, but it shocked the hell out of me. I pivot back and forth between enjoying being lazy for once and then spiraling into an unstoppable guilt cycle that usually ends with me being a total bitch (love you, M Fox!) Because you know the best course of action when you’re feeling lost and unstable and like you’re wallowing in an endless pool of possibility? Alienate those you love. Most definitely. Actually, I’m pretty blessed to have friends and family who refuse to be alienated despite my best efforts.
Anyway, my pathetic woe-is-me-my-life-is-actually-pretty-awesome story (do you hate me yet?) is the preamble. I’ve been taking voice lessons with the fabulous, the marvelous, the inimitable Candice (if you’re in the Seattle area, leave me a comment if you want her info), I’m taking group banjo classes at Dusty Strings in Fremont, and I’ve started working out with a personal trainer at my gym because I can’t be trusted anymore. All three teachers/instructors said the same thing.
“Do you have a very stressful job? Your shoulders are really tense. ”
“You need to retrain the way you stand/sit/breathe.”
When three professionals from different fields tell you that what you’re a tense shallow-breathing anxiety ball, I suppose it’s time to pay attention. What none of them said, but I think it very much implied is that I also need to retrain how I *think*. Yes, there are a lot of physical changes I need to make (this isn’t The Secret, folks), but I also need to get over this overwhelming unworthiness.
Yeah, I should probably retrain my preamble.